The belated birthday party we threw for Theo went really well! We ended up raising $1,867 for UCSF Benioff Children’s Hospital!
I am so glad we had the party. We had a lot of fun, and it was so good to see our friends gathered celebrating Theo. Such a good reminder that they still love and think about Theo.
The color s of the party were yellow and gray, Theo’s nursery colors. I had an Italian soda station, a hot chocolate station, and an Italian restaurant did the catering. The cake was from Costco, and I picked a baseball theme cake as I know Kenny was so looking forward to teaching Theo baseball. We played board games and held a raffle and had a photo backdrop set up for pictures. The backdrop was the only thing that incorporated Steam Bun into the party–I made it out of yellow, gray, and navy blue tulle. Gray and navy blue are Steam Bun’s nursery colors. The backdrop is of both my boys.
I brought Theo bear to the party, and everyone sang happy birthday to Theo while Kenny and I were holding Theo bear. I almost cried at this point, but that was the only time during the party I was sad. A friend and loss mom asked if they could take a picture with Theo bear, which just melted my heart.
I’m also so relieved we waited to have this party. If we had pushed ourselves to do it around his actual birthday, I wouldn’t have enjoyed myself. But I had fun, even though it was 2.5 months after his actual birthday. I see a lot of loss moms doing wonderful things in memory of their children–fundraisers, RAK, etc. and sometimes I’ve wondered why I “wasn’t there” yet. Especially as a Christian–shouldn’t I be pushing myself to help others in honor of Theo? This party helped me realize that I have to go at my own pace, and I’m so, so glad I didn’t push myself to do this fundraiser before. I think I would have felt a little bitter and resentful if I had done it earlier, and that would do nobody any good. (Not a criticism of those who do these things right away, just sorting out some feelings of guilt I had on not doing that earlier.)
On Sunday we had the 3D/HD ultrasound of Steam Bun. He looks so much like Theo and Kenny. Just like everything else, it’s both a good and bad thing. I love feeling like I was looking at Theo when I saw Steam Bun, and that they will have that connection. But I also felt some pain, it’s a reminder of what I won’t get with Theo and a small part of me worried that I won’t be able to separate the two in the future.
Steam Bun was being his usual stubborn self and we couldn’t get any photos of him without the cord in his face. He was chewing (well, not chewing since he doesn’t have teeth but chomping? sucking?) on the cord and playing with it, and that freaked me out. It was both cute and made me laugh, but also concerning to me. I asked the tech if she could see if the cord was wrapped around his neck, and she said she wasn’t allowed to confirm anything like that as that is classified as diagnostic but that she would try to get me a good look at his neck so I could see for myself. Fortunately Steam Bun soon moved his head around, and I could see his neck was fine. We saw Steam Bun moving a lot. He also had his feet in his face for a little bit, and his wrinkly feet looked so much like Theo’s. We go back in a week and a half to try to get better photos.