I realized I forgot to give an update last week on the fundraiser!
We are now at over 15% raised! I’m so excited, and I can’t believe we’ve already raised so much. If you would like to check out our fundraiser it is here. In addition to the money donated through the link, we’ve also received some cash and check donations! I’m very thankful for everyone who has donated, and is honoring our Theo in this way. Someone asked me what happens if we don’t meet our goal and the answer is nothing bad. The goal is arbitrary, and even if we don’t meet it, all of the money raised will still go to UCSF.
If you are a loss parent, I would love to honor your child at the party! Donations are NOT required for this, I do not care if you donate or not but I would still love to remember your child at the party. Don’t forget to email me at email@example.com with a picture of your baby, your child’s name, birthdate, and date of passing, along with your child’s story. They will be added to the slideshow I am creating. I’ve already gotten several emails, and I’m so excited and honored to remember all of the children at the party!
Saturday night I went to Labor & Delivery because I thought my amniotic fluid was leaking.
It, thank God, was not. Steam Bun’s heartbeat was fine, and I got to listen to it for about an hour, which was so nice. His heartbeat is very soothing. I forgot how sensitive those heart monitor straps are, and a few times I moved or Steam Bun hit the monitor and all of a sudden it said his heartbeat was 30 or 40 because it was no longer positioned correctly. I was also not having contractions, which I knew I wasn’t anyway, but it was nice to get that confirmation.
An ultrasound was also done and the doctor showed me the fluid level (no issues there), Steam Bun’s diaphragm (perfect), and fetal breathing movement (looked great, yay!). I breathed a huge sigh of relief. The doctor took plenty of time to answer all of my questions and didn’t act like I was being paranoid, which I so appreciate. He told me our perinatologist will likely look closely at the fetal breathing movement at our second anatomy scan.
I asked him what I could do to tell the difference between leaking amniotic fluid and leaking… other stuff. He confirmed what my OB has told me, do the “gush test”, but would prefer I come in every time I have any concern. Not that I was doubting my OB, but it was nice to have him confirm what she said too.
I normally go grocery shopping Saturday or Sunday mornings, since there’s much fewer people in the stores at that time. But I didn’t go Saturday morning because I was lazy, and didn’t go Sunday because I overslept. So I went grocery shopping today, on my way home from work.
I only had a few items, so I got in line in the express checkout. And right in front of me was a dad with a stroller. The baby couldn’t have been more than 4 months old. The dad was picking up a few things, so he put all of the food in the bottom of the stroller. I immediately thought of Kenny and how much he is missing out on. Kenny was so excited to take Theo on silly errands, and I can totally picture Kenny loading up the stroller with the groceries instead of getting a bag. Kenny would have been proudly pushing the stroller everywhere we go too. It’s been awhile since a trigger has knocked me off my feet, but that one did. It’s just not fair that Kenny, who is a great dad to an angel but would be a great dad to a living child, can’t parent the way he is supposed to. And I can’t watch Kenny be the dad he was supposed to be to Theo.
I started tearing up in the store, but didn’t really start crying until I got to my car. And then Kenny had one of those moments that has me convinced he really is psychic and just hides it from me. A few minutes later he text me he loves me, which made me feel a little bit better.