Today is one of those days.
Where my head is in such a fog and I can’t focus. Nothing seems to help. I set a timer and work for a certain amount of time, then get up and walk for a couple of minutes. Repeat this cycle, but decrease the amount of time I work. Isn’t helping.
I exclusively wear Theo jewelry (today it is a necklace with a koala charm, his birthstone, and his initial), so I frequently rub my necklace to feel closer to him. That normally helps, but not today.
Drink water, chew gum. Not helping.
Pretend my boss is going to fire me unless I get this project done RIGHT NOW. Nope, I can’t convince myself this risk is real.
I have a headache from trying to focus so much when I can’t. Which only makes it works because now it hurts to stare at the computer.
My therapist has offered to write me a prescription for an SSRI (Zoloft) because it is considered safe to take while TTC/pregnant. But I can’t bring myself to take it. I know the risk of side effects are extremely low, but all of the risks to the baby involve issues with lung development/respiratory distress/heart issues. And I can’t bring myself to do something that has a chance of lung development issues when that is what killed Theo. If it was anything else, I’d be willing.
So I’m taking an extended lunch. Maybe I’ll exercise and see if that helps.