We’ve been under official shelter-in-place orders since March 20th. And we’re weathering this situation pretty well. Yes, we’re stressed and restless, but we’re very fortunate. Our jobs are safe and easy to do from home, we’re all healthy and no one we know has/had COVID-19. I remind myself all the time how fortunate I am right now.
I probably should have expected this, but I’ve been feeling more grief lately. Maybe it’s because the extra time at home allows me more time for my grief. Maybe the fact that I’m limited in what I can do right now means I’m in my head more. Maybe it’s because all the time the three of us are spending together now makes Theo’s absence even more obvious. Maybe it’s because Mother’s Day is just around the corner.
Probably a little bit of everything.
My anxiety is higher than normal right now. I’m not so anxious about the virus itself, but the impact it is having on the economy, food supply, etc. All the panic buying is making me panicked and I’m trying to ignore that panic when I do go grocery shopping (no hoarding of food or toilet paper in this house). And just more general anxiety, like everything just feels way more tense right now.
Kenny and Artie were FaceTiming with his parents recently and hearing Artie talk to his grandma brought up some grief over my mom too.
I have learned something about myself because of the SIP. I’m usually quite happy doing my thing solo, most of my hobbies are ones I do by myself. Before this pandemic, I was going to the gym about 3 days a week and I rarely talked to anyone there. But I was around other people, and I didn’t realize until I couldn’t be around other people just how important it is for my mental health. And I’ve struggled with only being around Kenny and Artie; though I obviously love them very much, I realized that I really need what the gym provides me: a chance to be around other people while still doing my own thing.
That’s pretty much it. Not a lot to say. We’re doing ok. Grief is still here. Stay home.